A Children's House at home Tim Seldin focuses on the practical steps parents can take to make homes welcoming to small children.

We communicate volumes about the way we feel about our children by the kind of home we create for them. By addressing their needs, including children in our family life and showing concern for their feelings and respect for their interests, we tell them how important they are to us.

Although on their own they tend to create chaos, small children have a tremendous need and love for an orderly environment. Everything should have its own place, and the environment should be organised to make it easy for the child to maintain neat, tidy surroundings. This is what Montessori planned and put into practice in her original 'Children's Houses', which were the first Montessori classrooms, and many of her ideas can be used to make home-life child-friendly too.

Let's start in the child's bedroom - ideally the young child's bed should be low to the floor, making it easy for toddlers to get in and out on their own. Rather than confining a child to a cot, Montessori urged parents to modify the bedroom to make it safe for the child and yet foster her early independence. Consider a Japanese futon or a three foot mattress without the bed frame and, for the older child, a duvet to make bed-making simple for her to do herself.

A few simple pieces of do-it-yourself can go a long way towards making a home child-friendly: Mount a little coat and hat rack low on one wall where your child can reach them easily and put a full-length mirror nearby. Modify your light switches with extenders to allow the young child to turn her lights on and off independently. Hang a noticeboard low on the wall so she can pin up art work, reminders and school papers. Don't use a toy box. Imagine the chaos in your kitchen or workshop if you threw your tools and utensils together in a chest. Instead, use low shelves to display books and toys. Avoid clutter by placing toys with many pieces in appropriate containers; such as Tupperware boxes with baskets or tins and use a sturdy crate to hold your child's building blocks.

You may want to create a model town or farm on a piece of heavy plywood. Paint it green and sprinkle model railway "grass" on it to simulate a meadow. Placed on a low table it can provide the basis for farm or zoo animals or be marked out with roads for toy cars or set with figures, trees, stations, etc, for a first railway set. Store Logo bricks by cutting a large circle of canvas and attaching Velcro fastenings on opposite edges and handles. Opened out, the bag serves as a mat where bricks can be sorted and selected; gathered up and fastened it clears up the clutter instantly and can be taken anywhere. Decorate the walls with high quality art prints of children and animals hung at the child's eye level. Select a wall clock with a large, and easy-to-read face and mount that the same height.

Make sure drawers are at the right height for the child to open them and look inside. Label them "underwear," "socks," etc or stick on pictures for the very young. Provide some shelf space for a small nature museum where your child can display special rocks, interesting seeds and small creatures, but make sure she liberates the creepy-crawlies after she has thoroughly examined them. Encourage her to have flowers and plants in her room. Music should be an important part of every child's life. Make space for a simple stereo or cassette player and a collection of recordings. In the bathroom make sure your child can reach the washbasin and lavatory by providing a booster step and have a special place within reach for her towel, washcloth, toothbrush and paste.

Some children rarely paint or make crafts at home because parents fear a mess. All that is needed is a small area with a washable floor or even a carpet covered with a sheet of plastic and a degree of trust that your Montessori child will soon know how to use it properly. Add an easel with non-spill pots of separate colours or cover the kitchen table with a washable cloth for drawing, craft work and clay. Again store art supplies: washable marker pens, crayons, paste, paper, fabric scraps and recycled household articles for collage and construction - in plastic containers and trays on low shelves so she will be able to order and return them to their right places on her own.

In the kitchen try to find space for a child-sized work table for young cooks. Set aside the bottom shelf of your refrigerator to store small jugs of drink, fruit and the ingredients for making sandwiches and snacks (peanut butter, jams, cold meat, cheese and spreads, stored in unbreakable containers). Even a two-year-old can be trusted to open the fridge to get her own prepared snack or cold drink stored in a little cup.

If they are introduced to jobs with encouragement and allowed to see then through themselves, children from age two to six delight in caring for their home, dusting, mopping, scrubbing, cleaning and polishing. Aid the process by giving your child her own little broom or sweeper; hang a feather duster on a hook and provide a hamper for her dirty clothes. Show her how to wipe round the washbasin in the bathroom with a small scrub sponge. Folding towels and napkins is another activity to teach a young child. Use a bottom drawer to hold cutlery and a low shelf for crockery so your child can help to lay the table and put things away.

So often parents end up frustrated in their efforts to keep peace in their homes. They concentrate on trying to get their children to do what they want them to do, instead of nurturing the family ties. Children need to be respected as independent human beings. Discipline should be taught as a series of positive lessons from loving and confident parents who know that their children are basically good, and completely capable of doing the right thing.

Children, like everyone else, tend to live up to our expectations or down to our disrespect. Love is not enough; the respect that we give our children and that we insist on in return is the key. Don't ask your children to earn your respect and trust, assume that they deserve to be treated with respect from the beginning. It's amazing to me that some family members treat each other with far less kindness and regard than they extend to their next door neighbours. Respect is the essential lubricant that keeps the machinery of family relationships working smoothly.

This respect should extend to your child's interests and all the reasonable activities in which she becomes engaged. Pay attention to the things which fascinate her and try to understand them. If you support your child's desires and chosen activities she will quickly gain enough independence to rely on herself for entertainment.

What we should not feel pressured into is waiting on our children, or continually diverting them to win their unequivocal affection. If we get caught in the trap of always wanting our children to 'like' us, we will find it difficult to confront them when they do act out of line (as they will do sooner or later). Getting angry with your parents is part of growing up. It is how we create a bit of distance between us and our childhood. Ideally, a parent is loved and respected, and is someone to confide in, but not a buddy or a playmate. So speak to the very best within your child and try to call forth from within her the young adult who will some day walk in her shoes.